Deadly Snail vs. Kung Fu Killer (1977)

I think this whacked out fantasy film was meant to be seen while inebriated or as punishment for some hideous crime. Why on earth anyone would have made this incredibly sloppy effort is beyond me.

Chang Fu (Wong Yuen San) is a young man working for his cruel uncle who is plotting to send Chang away before he discovers that he is actually the heir to the family property. One day, Chang takes home a sea snail wounded by a snake. He has a dream about a beautiful woman played by Candy Yu who asks him to pour a drop of his own blood on the snail to restore it’s health. It turns out that this sea snail is actually a “fairy” who becomes Candy. She leaves her mystical world after falling in love with Chang. The two get married in short order and she uses some of her mojo to help Chang out. One day, Chang’s sniveling nephew makes advances on Candy and she retaliates with a little magic. He runs home with tales of a “demon” who has married Chang and the uncle tries to run her off unsuccessfully.

We finally get to meet the real villains who turn out to be demons who turn into snakes and surprisingly Simon Yuen is one of them! Simon’s green-painted apprentice manages to sneak away to continue his long feud with Candy by posing as a Buddhist monk. The demon convinces Chang’s uncle to have Candy’s ring, which is the source of her power stolen. The thief happens to be a jealous woman who secretly loves Chang but is arranged to marry the wormy nephew. To wrap it all up in anti-climatic fashion, Candy is caught by the demon and Chang, who doesn’t know a lick of kung fu throws the snail into the sea which signals Candy’s ethereal sisters to come to her rescue. They beat Simon Yuen while Candy and Chang live happily ever after. The end.

Kung fu fans (not to mention everybody else) will be disappointed with this film. There is approximately 5 to 10 minutes of kung fu fighting in the whole film. The rest is all an extremely low budget series of visual effects and supernatural nonsense amid a senseless story and bad acting. Candy Yu, who starred in the equally dreadful film, The Deadly Sword (1978), is awfully attractive but without apparent martial arts or acting skills, she’s nothing but window dressing. Simon Yuen is basically in an extended cameo. Its interesting to see that his scenes have practically no involvement with the special effects throughout the rest of the film, but then his character basically has no involvement with the story either. The martial arts action that does take place is poorly choreographed and executed and you don’t even see anything in the first 45 minutes, assuming you’re still awake.

Deadly Snail vs. The Kung Fu Killer is not really a martial arts film at all. It’s more of a Chinese fantasy that relies on some of the cheapest and worst visual effects ever put to screen. The sets are thinly disguised and the vaguely familiar music is surely swiped from some other Western production. There are no redeeming factors to this cinematic road kill.