Ninja assassin

[mpm74]

If you’re a kid who grew up in the 1980’s, chances are you went through a “ninja” phase:

- You had a copy of Revenge of the Ninja playing religiously in your VCR
- You bought martial arts magazines, just so you could look at the ninja weapon advertisements
- You dressed as a ninja for Halloween (which meant a black T-shirt wrapped around your head, at least for me)
- You owned blunt ninja stars, hand claws, and ninja shoes that you purchased from the swap meet
- “Only A Ninja Can Destroy A Ninja" was a quote that came in handy

Remember the magic you felt when watching those old Sho Kosugi flicks? How about Duel to the Death? Or even more recent ones like 1995’s The Hunted (Christopher Lambert)? Well, if you’re hoping to revisit that same magic with Ninja Assassin, get ready for absolutely NOTHING.

Yes, it has a fair amount of violence and extreme gore. Yes, it brings Ninjas back to the big screen; Yes, the film's poster is extremely cool; And yes, Sho Kosugi, the 'Ninja' actor that every 1980's child idolized, has a part. It's just too bad that all of this adds up to about 2 hours of soulless shit.

Honestly, the film's slick trailer is as good as it gets. The plot blows... okay, I know, I know, it’s a martial arts movie, right? Well, yeah, but there's no martial arts that can be deciphered. In fact, why even pay a professional fight choreographer if your camera is zoomed in at 200% against someone's nutsack? And I’m not even going to mention the nighttime/darkly lit settings! What the hell? Now can I say the plot blows?

I guess I should be used to a disappointment. I keep on forgetting that most Hollywood action films are catered for average knuckle-heads who saw Transformers 2 on opening day, and watched Avatar six times in the theaters. Give these same dorks some cgi hira-shuriken, buckets of blood, and multiple beheadings, and they’ll think it’s the best movie ever.

The lead, Rain, a Korean pop singer/actor, physically fits the role and handles the martial arts scenes well (from what I can imagine). However, when the guy opens his mouth, he sounds so sweet and sensitive (...uh, stick to pop songs dude). He reminds me of one of those Asian guys who does women's nails for a living. Get a last name, prick. But then again, you do kind of sound like Madonna.

What a waste of an ultra-cool title for an ultra-lame movie. James McTeigue, Joel Silver, Wachowski Brothers; go fuck yourselves!

[mpm74]

Well the movie starts out OK, but it seems if it concentrates a little too much on flashbacks in the beginning. Also the female character who plays the agent unfolding the ninja mystery doesn't seem to fit in the feel of the movie. Basically the movie doesn't depict enough ninja action in the essence of what "stealth ninja" is supposed to mean. There are just a few ninja "like" moments that are suppose to give you the feel of it, which it does, but nothing can help you feel like its missing something. All in all its a quick ninja fix bit will not be totally satisfying for the true ninja buff. For now its seems as this is the best it will get from a Hollywood ninja movie, i guess we will take what we can get.

I agree.

I don't know, I'd be better off knowing this movie didn't exist. =) To me, they were more concerned with matching the SAW series, than make a good movie. And yeah, i could have done without the whole interpol thing.... oh well, better luck next time. I doubt we're going to have another mainstream ninja movie any time soon (that plays in theatres)...

[WadoRyuRob]

Hi guys, new to the forum!

I remember catching this film on a long haul flight, so I was pretty tired, but I agree with you about the lack of anyone doing any real ninja stuff, although I did like the occassional special effect that made the ninjas blur whenever they moved. Having said that, there really wasn't much else to recommend about it.

I got the impression that the commando team near the end only beat the ninjas simply because the producers had to have the Western guys win, hence why the bad guys basically stood around getting shot with rockets. Was there even a decent fight at the end?

[mpm74]

I got the impression that the commando team near the end only beat the ninjas simply because the producers had to have the Western guys win, hence why the bad guys basically stood around getting shot with rockets. Was there even a decent fight at the end?

No, at least not what I could remember.

I remember a cool little cgi chain weapon, but that's about it. =)

[Fist Of Boss]

I had high hopes of this when saw trailer.Then did read review which was not good.Later 2 friends who saw it told it`s garbage so I`m not likely gonna invest into this.
:sad:

[mpm74]

I had high hopes of this when saw trailer.Then did read review which was not good.Later 2 friends who saw it told it`s garbage so I`m not likely gonna invest into this.


Don't let my negative review throw you off. You might like it.

Even though I make fun of people who like this kind of stuff doesn't mean it's a personal attack on anyone (with the exception of those who like it! lol)...

Give it a shot. In all seriousness, any movie, no matter how bad it is, deserves at least one watch (with the exception of Ninja Assassin). =)

[Chia Ling AKA Judy Lee]

Love the review mpm!

Rain was quality in I'm Cyborg But It's OK, I was considering watching this as I like ninja flicks. I don't think I'll get too excited now. :)

[mpm74]

Thanks. But like I said, give it a shot for yourself. I'm just glad to see the word 'ninja' in a major hollywood picture. Too bad it went to waste. :(

That's the only Park Chan-wook I have to see. I'm sure Rain is good in it.

[DAJIZZARIZZA]

funny you mentioned it ,.. i was watching avatar during the 1st 2 hours ,..lol saying to myself ,.. what the hell am i doing here ? the 1st 2/3rds of the film is on ciamatic views, relationships,and cartoons (these blue creatures).lame.

i also was going to watch ninja assassin next ,.. but after this review ,.. i'll put it off for a bit.

i sneaked peeked the begining and i noticed the gore ,.. i said to myself ,.. ohh ohh ,.. normally when i see this type gore ,.. the film is not strong,.. but what really gave me a bad feel was who they were marketing this film to , by looking at the avalible languages provided (English,French,and Spanish) WHERE IS JAPANESE ?

this told me something,.. the culture was not going to be correct or true to Japan. and now reading the martial arts was as stealth to this film as stealth is to Ninjitsu,.. i think my feelings were correct.

and please do not even review Ninja (2009) a white blonde headed man as a ninja ? i'm tired of ripoffs.

[mpm74]

and please do not even review Ninja (2009) a white blonde headed man as a ninja ? i'm tired of ripoffs.

I haven't seen the above film you mentioned, but I'll put my money on it as the better movie. I believe that one has some ninja-values to it; and actual martial arts you can see!

One movie that got gore/good movie right is Five Element Ninjas. Not so gory for today's standards, but pretty crazy overall.

As far as Avatar - lol I still can't believe people think it's the Star Wars of 2010.

[Fist Of Boss]

You may call me nuts but when comes to violence revenge of the ninja and ninja 3-the domination are heads and shoulders above 5 elements.

Elements have red stuff more but those sho kosugi ninja films are nastier:nerd:

Also have more ninja feeling than 5 elements:crossedlips:

[mpm74]

Sho Kosugi's Cannon Ninja films have a more "ninja" film to them. I totally agree.

But as far as the above better movie, I think Five Element Ninja takes the cake.

But nothing compares to the Godfrey Ho movies. Ninjas in bright green ninja suits wearing headbands that say "ninja" on them.

[VenomsFan]

If you’re a kid who grew up in the 1980’s, chances are you went through a “ninja” phase:

- You had a copy of Revenge of the Ninja playing religiously in your VCR
- You bought martial arts magazines, just so you could look at the ninja weapon advertisements
- You dressed as a ninja for Halloween (which meant a black T-shirt wrapped around your head, at least for me)
- You owned blunt ninja stars, hand claws, and ninja shoes that you purchased from the swap meet
- “Only A Ninja Can Destroy A Ninja" was a quote that came in handy

You forgot one - Ninja Gaiden Arcade or original Nintendo.

To be fair, it's the latest MA film to come out of Hollywood since Cradle to the Grave or Rush Hour series. For R rated MA violence it's what I expected. Agreed could have been so much better. Hollywood was never about actual plots and if it was martial arts is used as an addition/catalyst to a good movie (Lethal Weapon 4, Matrix).

MA film with an actual plot is still yet to be seen.

[DAJIZZARIZZA]

but nothing compares to the godfrey ho movies. Ninjas in bright green ninja suits wearing headbands that say "ninja" on them.

lol,.. That made me really laugh ,..hahaaaha

[mpm74]

DAJ: Isn't it? WHITE guys with "ninja" headbands! These guys make Franc Nero in Enter the Ninja look cool.

MA film with an actual plot is still yet to be seen.

Have you ever seen RED BELT? Wow. That's a martial arts movie with a plot. Great stuff.

And I'm not asking for a plot, I'm asking for one or the other; if not good action, better have a good plot; if not good plot, better have some good action.