CrazyFrog
02-16-2008, 04:04 AM
That's right! 3 for 1 mini-reviews! No fat, no unnecessary facts, just pure unadulterated, biased opinion!
Born Invincible (1977)
Carter Wong plays one badass Tai Chi master and spends a whole movie beating down on a kung fu school that apparently doesn't learn too fast. Great action, Carter is hella buff and looks invincible and Corey Yuen and Yuen Shun-Yi are remarkable for their prowess as the Pippi Longstocking brothers, whose deadly moves are matched by their awful pigtailed wigs. Another internal chi movie, where the master can move his 1 weak spot (out of 108) around at will. Likes to draw I-Ching symbols while fighting becasue he is soooo badass. Quite frankly, with the competition as as low on the uptake as Jack Long and the rest, I would be doing something to stifle my boredom too. Oh yes, almost forgot- Lo Lieh is Carter Wong's right-hand man, with some nice weapon skills.
I loved it, though- 4 out of 5 wigs.
South Shaolin Master (1984)
Nice little Mainland film here. Superb action, especially from lead Chiu Jian Guo. Great scenery and I like the travelling opera boat thing (Executioners From Shaolin is another). But you wait around until the action starts and no one in particular is very charismatic. Except for the bearded opera performer, //SPOILER ALERT////whose screen life you can calculate in an instant, but by then the movie is almost done///SPOILER DONE///. Highlights? Boat racing, great original soundtrack, interesting South China locales, and superb kung fu performers. Worth having if just for a change of pace from the usual Hong Kong sets.
3 boats and one raft out of 5.
Taoism Drunkard (1983)
I'm still trying to figure this one out. Believe me, I would know, but what were the Yuens smoking in the 80's??? PCP was big back then and crack just started in the ghettos of America but no, this movie feels more like a mash of LSD, banana peels, and the diggity-dank when you start toking this one in. Honestly, right after it started, I thought out loud "Did someone slip something in my chicken? Are these the flashbacks everyone said would happen?". This movie should be retitled: Taoism Drunkard- WTF.
Hard to get info for this one but I see Yuen Yat Chor in here for sure and the rest of the Yuens are scattered everywhere in this movie. I honestly don't know where to begin because after a brightly-caped and slightly underdressed, portly villain named Old Devil busts in the wall, followed by giallo-style torture scene, then a Cheese-Mobile driven by a slightly pedophilic, buck-toothed drunken priest, and finishing with a grandma who is obviously a grandpa and you begin to get the picture on why I had such a hard time with this movie review. Oddly enough, the action is top notch, if some obvious wire-work doesn't bother you (and it shouldn't, if you like the Yuens family work). I haven't even mentioned the nightmare inducing Watermelon Monster, whose cannonball shape and sharp penis-slashing teeth just gave me the chills after remembering. If you're not creeped out by that thing, well, you haven't seen the movie yet!
There's a whole lot going on in this film that I haven't mentioned either, because coherency of plot is not what you should be watching this for. Yat Chor is the "Cherry Boy" who is needed for some festival but honestly, half the time it sounds like an excuse for the priest to get in this kid's pants. Other antagonists abound, such as Fat Lady, The RenFair Asshat, and the CrazysleevesLady. You might think those descriptions are a little exaggerated or puerile but watch the movie and you'll find they are oh-so accurate. The best fighting in the movie comes from Old Devil and Yuen Yat Chor but kung fu action almost takes a backseat to the insanity flowing past you on the screen. This movie is like tripping, only without having to take anything at all. And it's a wild trip too, you might need someone around to let you know everything will be ok. No rating but highest recommendation to see.
Born Invincible (1977)
Carter Wong plays one badass Tai Chi master and spends a whole movie beating down on a kung fu school that apparently doesn't learn too fast. Great action, Carter is hella buff and looks invincible and Corey Yuen and Yuen Shun-Yi are remarkable for their prowess as the Pippi Longstocking brothers, whose deadly moves are matched by their awful pigtailed wigs. Another internal chi movie, where the master can move his 1 weak spot (out of 108) around at will. Likes to draw I-Ching symbols while fighting becasue he is soooo badass. Quite frankly, with the competition as as low on the uptake as Jack Long and the rest, I would be doing something to stifle my boredom too. Oh yes, almost forgot- Lo Lieh is Carter Wong's right-hand man, with some nice weapon skills.
I loved it, though- 4 out of 5 wigs.
South Shaolin Master (1984)
Nice little Mainland film here. Superb action, especially from lead Chiu Jian Guo. Great scenery and I like the travelling opera boat thing (Executioners From Shaolin is another). But you wait around until the action starts and no one in particular is very charismatic. Except for the bearded opera performer, //SPOILER ALERT////whose screen life you can calculate in an instant, but by then the movie is almost done///SPOILER DONE///. Highlights? Boat racing, great original soundtrack, interesting South China locales, and superb kung fu performers. Worth having if just for a change of pace from the usual Hong Kong sets.
3 boats and one raft out of 5.
Taoism Drunkard (1983)
I'm still trying to figure this one out. Believe me, I would know, but what were the Yuens smoking in the 80's??? PCP was big back then and crack just started in the ghettos of America but no, this movie feels more like a mash of LSD, banana peels, and the diggity-dank when you start toking this one in. Honestly, right after it started, I thought out loud "Did someone slip something in my chicken? Are these the flashbacks everyone said would happen?". This movie should be retitled: Taoism Drunkard- WTF.
Hard to get info for this one but I see Yuen Yat Chor in here for sure and the rest of the Yuens are scattered everywhere in this movie. I honestly don't know where to begin because after a brightly-caped and slightly underdressed, portly villain named Old Devil busts in the wall, followed by giallo-style torture scene, then a Cheese-Mobile driven by a slightly pedophilic, buck-toothed drunken priest, and finishing with a grandma who is obviously a grandpa and you begin to get the picture on why I had such a hard time with this movie review. Oddly enough, the action is top notch, if some obvious wire-work doesn't bother you (and it shouldn't, if you like the Yuens family work). I haven't even mentioned the nightmare inducing Watermelon Monster, whose cannonball shape and sharp penis-slashing teeth just gave me the chills after remembering. If you're not creeped out by that thing, well, you haven't seen the movie yet!
There's a whole lot going on in this film that I haven't mentioned either, because coherency of plot is not what you should be watching this for. Yat Chor is the "Cherry Boy" who is needed for some festival but honestly, half the time it sounds like an excuse for the priest to get in this kid's pants. Other antagonists abound, such as Fat Lady, The RenFair Asshat, and the CrazysleevesLady. You might think those descriptions are a little exaggerated or puerile but watch the movie and you'll find they are oh-so accurate. The best fighting in the movie comes from Old Devil and Yuen Yat Chor but kung fu action almost takes a backseat to the insanity flowing past you on the screen. This movie is like tripping, only without having to take anything at all. And it's a wild trip too, you might need someone around to let you know everything will be ok. No rating but highest recommendation to see.