Jade Dagger Ninja (1982)

A vengeful female leader of the Heartbreak Red Gang wages war against her former lover and his family while various martial arts masters seek out a magical potion of ultimate kung fu power held within a Purple Jade Badger.

Its official, Jade Dagger Ninja wins the crackhead award for being the wuxia pien most likely to have been produced by dope fiends. This is the only possible conclusion after sitting down and being assaulted by roughly ninety minutes of completely over the top wirework, sped up camerawork, a sex-starved woman warrior, the worst acting, and a white-bearded fighter in green face paint smashing through stone walls with superhuman kung fu. Now hallucinatory kung fu is okay when competently directed by Yuen Wo-ping as in Shaolin Drunkard, but not in a bloated and convoluted swordplay film littered with groan-inducing dialogue and a plot geared for the mind of a young child.

They can’t even get the title right! I can only assume the title refers to an object in the film that most of the fighters are after. But it’s repeatedly referred to as a “Purple Jade Badger” in the film and there are no ninjas anywhere at any time. And the object itself is a supposedly badger-shaped vial of magic fluid that turns anyone who drinks it into a cross between The Incredible Hulk and Grizzly Adams with a lion’s roar for a voice. But I’m getting ahead of myself for that only happens at the end. Leading up to this wonderful transformation is a dizzying series of encounters, duels, and double-crosses by various swordsmen and swordswomen. In other words, its business as usual for wuxia film plots.

Most of the characters are generic and forgettable, but one stands out and that’s nymphomaniac Tsi Chu-chu, played by actress Chin Meng. Dressed in a low cut, shoulder-baring getup, she spends most of the film trying to talk her way into the sack with heroes Tin Peng and Tin Hok. The English dubbing is wacky throughout the film, but becomes ludicrous in the most banal way imaginable during these scenes. Admittedly she is attractive, but spitting out double entendres about the “hard and fast” skills of a swordsman in bed is just nasty. She eventually does the right thing, but long after making a repeatedly embarrassing spectacle of herself. Meanwhile, the respectable genre actress Doris Lung is basically tossed into a bland and non-action supporting role. Former Shaw Brothers regular Chung Wa makes the only other notable appearance as “Master Cold Heart,” a disheveled and forlorn swordsman spouting senseless philosophical drivel and driven to despair by the loss of his love. Or perhaps its just a reflection of a man coming to the dismal end of his film career.

The production is low budget, but aspires to Shaw Brothers standards complete with artificial outdoor sets, colorful costumes, and lots of wirework. Even the story cops classic Chor Yuen wuxia films, particularly The Web of Death which features a similar storyline about mixed up romance and a deadly magical object. While some of the elements of a decent wuxia film are present, they’re awkwardly assembled leaving gaps with dull dialogue, confusing scene changes, and heavily chopped up fight scenes. The wirework is occasionally entertaining in the vein of Duel to the Death, but more often wires can easily be seen and characters flop around like tangled marionettes. Midway through there is a “spooky” graveyard ambush that the film’s main hero Flying Fox (Tin Peng) walks into. With miniature plastic skeletons hanging from trees, stage fog and lights, and thugs dressed as voodoo witch doctors or masked skeletons, the scene is about as impressive as the neighbor’s annual front yard Halloween display. On second thought, it’s worse. By the end, the filmmakers give up all pretense of sticking to traditional wuxia conventions when the bearded green man (Kam Kong) goes on his rampage. This part, which is like an old school example of Story of Ricky (1992), is at least worth a chuckle as the green dude folds his victims in half and tosses them around like rag dolls.

I have to give the makers of Jade Dagger Ninja credit for at least aspiring to go completely out of control. Had they succeeded, this would be one incredibly fun cult classic. But basic bad filmmaking, a super low budget, and horrendous dubbing make this effort hard to watch. As a result, this ranks with Shaolin Invincibles as one of the strangest and most boneheaded old school martial arts movies ever made.