Long Step Mantis (1982)

There are times when some decent kung fu action just isn’t enough no matter how much of a fan you are and such is the case with Long Step Mantis. Everything in this film is so dismally bland or poorly executed, that it almost immediately fades from memory, assuming that you’ve managed to stick with it.

I don’t want to waste anyone’s time on this, least of all mine, so I’ll cut to the skinny version. Mark Lung is the son of a pharmacist played by Chui Chung Hei whose wish to learn kung fu comes true when he comes into the possession of a rare mantis kung fu manual. In what appears to be about two days, he’s all but mastered the technique and proceeds to humiliate the kung fu school that once refused to teach him. Then Lung Fei comes to town looking for the manual so that he can become unbeatable. Good old Lung Fei. This guy has managed to appear in so many mediocre to bad kung fu movies. When he’s billed as the star, you know the film is in trouble.

Lung Fei’s crony kills Chung Hei and Mark Lung vows revenge, but his mantis just isn’t good enough yet. Luckily, a blonde wig-wearing master played by Tong Ga Kuen shows up with his pupil Kei Tak Kong. Standard training ensues, Lung and his crony appear, and then we’re treated to 15 minutes of generic kung fu before the end.

The only points worth covering are several completely inane ones that send this film beyond redemption, but can be considered unintentionally funny to those desperate few willing to brave this feature. Pretty much every scene where Lung Fei, or rather the fellow who dubbed him speaks is comical. Saying lines such as, “I’m a killer and I like my job” speaks volumes about your level of intelligence and will surely gain much respect among the knuckle-headed thugs who populate such films as this. Then there is the spear throwing scene. If you’re looking for a highlight then this must be it. Towards the end, our heroes are in the midst of training when the obligatory sidekick returns only to be perforated by a spear. Yes, Lung Fei sucker punches the only person who doesn’t know kung fu with a death blow. Gu Bao-ming is the luckless actor who must fake a death where a spear is tied to his back, although its supposed to be going through his torso. Now here comes the best part. Mark Lung runs to his pal’s aid and actually asks the question, “How are ya?” Then he follows with, “I’ll get the medicine.” The dude’s got a friggin’ spear through his chest! Now that’s entertainment, Mystery Science Theater 3000 style.

There is little else to say about Long Step Mantis. Without any great gimmicks, actors, or bloodletting, the unremarkable kung fu action that gets a little better at the end isn’t worth sticking around for. And everything else only drags the film further down into the realm of ever-increasing obscurity where it belongs.