REVIEW: ‘Legion’ (2010)

It’s like THE TERMINATOR meets THE OMEN, only less original, suspenseful or entertaining. LEGION is visual effects supervisor Scott Stewart’s first foray into feature film directing and it’s not a pretty one. Based on his bumbling script, co-written by Peter Schink, this would-be supernatural thriller of an apocalyptic attack on humanity by God’s not-so-angelic host tries too hard to play B-movie material serious and goes straight to hell by the groan-inducing montage of sentimental soliloquy that weighs down the second act faster than a flying angel with spicy buffaloes for wings that’s strapped to a dump truck full of anvils. If you think that ludicrous analogy is bad, try watching the movie for a real head scratcher.

With the film’s few surprises already ruined by trailer footage and bits of gore and fighting action spread thin by forgettable characters, dialogue and visuals there is virtually nothing to recommend save what could be cinema’s first use of angel wings as a lethal bladed weapon. What could have been a creepy, big effects action variant of THE PROPHECY becomes an ill-conceived and rushed hack job that will leave viewers depressed, not for witnessing the near destruction of humanity but for the completely mishandled promise of seeing a handful of dysfunctional heroes mop the floor with a planet full of fallen angels now residing in the bodies of creepy kids, ice cream truck drivers and little old ladies with a taste for raw meat and foul language.

From the start, the plot is about as nonsensical as the Biblical flood. On the thin premise that God has suddenly grown tired of humanity and all its folly yet again – as if being an omniscient super being didn’t clue Him in to our nature the day Adam, or his intelligently designed protozoic progenitor was conceived of – He decides to send his angels down from heaven to possess the weak-willed and have them kill all of the strong-willed people.

This is only the backdrop however to the real story which is about how Archangel Michael (Paul Bellany), a general in God’s army, defects to join a small group of humans stranded in a remote desert diner in the American southwest. There, he comes to the defense of a woman and her unborn child who he claims will be humankind’s salvation so long as he lives. What we never learn is why this child is so important. Is it Christ making his return? Is it John Connor who is going to save us from Cyberdyne Systems and God’s wrath at the same time? Is it Pat Robertson’s illegitimate son? Maybe it’s little Damien Thorn who grows up to be misunderstood as a murderous Antichrist but is really just trying to save humanity from the angel-possessed people. I guess we’ll have to wait for the teen novelization to find out.

Not long after Michael’s arrival, humans possessed by angels begin to descend on the diner in an effort to kill the baby and those standing in their way. The possessed people seem rather unintelligent, and throw themselves against the well-armed defenders like zombies before trying other tactics during a siege that culminates in an assault by Michael’s feathered former friend, Archangel Gabriel (Kevin Durand).

Along the way we briefly get to know some of the stranded humans caught up in this fight as they share their hopes, fears and frustrations all neatly packaged and presented as if they had come straight from a script-writing seminar. The common theme in the canned character development is loss of faith and how Michael yet retains faith in humanity. There is definitely some potentially good dramatic material to work with here but it’s mishandled badly with too many obvious and poorly integrated attempts to build up the characters during dull, pace-killing stretches of conversation between action.

As previously mentioned, the best surprise sequences were already revealed in the trailers so anyone who saw them will probably feel let down that there’s really nothing else to see. Once we get towards the end and what is expectantly going to be a big showdown, the entire film seems to have the wind knocked out of it as it gasps and sputters to a boring, overly Terminator-esque ending that fails completely to live up to any promise of genuinely creepy or bizarre supernatural elements that existed earlier in the film.

With the thriller elements botched by the mid point and no real scares to be had, the film’s only bright spot in my mind is the squaring off between Michael and Gabriel. Here, two of Heaven’s top soldiers stare each other down for a fight to the finish. It features some interesting choreography involving Gabriel’s wings which act as razor-sharp blades and shielding against bullets. Yet beyond this, we’re treated with yet another excessively chopped up fight sequence that should please no one. It’s not outlandish enough to work as a fantasy fight between super-powered warriors and it’s too poorly edited together to work as a serious bout between highly skilled, former comrades.

This may seem like a dumb movie to complain about this but I really want to know what bunch of idiots in Hollywood is driving this ongoing trend towards rapid-paced fight editing. It doesn’t seem to matter what kind of action movie it is or how much or how little fighting there is but all we get anymore are crappy, split-second shots of blurry shaky-cam fluff that turns a fight sequence into an artless and incomprehensible mishmash of flailing arms, legs and whatever weapons are used. I’ve seen spontaneous temper tantrums from toddlers that are more coherent and engaging as action set pieces than tripe we’re served in this and many other recent films.

On top of bad fight work, at an earlier point Michael reveals to everyone that he probably could have single-handedly killed every angel-possessed person who got within 100 yards of the diner had he chosen to step outside sooner, even after clipping his wings. The lack of thought and thoroughness that went into the writing of this movie is astounding, especially in light of its serviceable production standards.