Several kung fu fighting children try to protect a hopping zombie child as one Taoist priest tries to kidnap it and another tries to kill it, while a powerful adult zombie terrorizes everyone.
Five Venoms alumni Chiang Sheng and Lu Feng co-star in a low budget knockoff of Mr. Vampire 2, complete with hopping vampires, Taoist priests who fire bolts of energy from their swords, preteen kids trained in kung fu, and an opening undead song and dance number set to the tune of a Chinese version of “Day Oh Dey O.” The film plays fast and loose with traditional kung fu horror conventions by using a lot of trick camera work and old school effects. Too much of this and not enough kung fu, as well as laborious attempts at humor and too much sentimentality makes this a lightweight effort with nothing that hasn’t already been done better somewhere else.
There are not a lot of martial arts films starring young children and fewer still with pubescent Chinese vampires in them. Two equally rare examples are Mr. Vampire II and Thunder Ninja Kids 3: The Hunt for the Devil Boxer. The latter title is a hideous hack job that combines two ultra low budget films and is hardly worth mentioning. Mr. Vampire II is produced by Sammo Hung and appears to have influenced 5 Venoms heavily. Both films feature a child vampire being protected by fellow children who stand up to both well-meaning vampire hunters and at least one adult vampire.
Chiang Sheng is a Taoist master who along with his student Little Yuan are herding a group of hopping corpses when they receive a call for aid from a fellow Taoist. One particularly powerful zombie capable of disappearing like a ghost escapes after they arrive too late to help. Meanwhile, a third Taoist master named Maosan (Lu Feng) and his student named Toothless happen upon a female corpse that mysteriously gives birth to what appears to be a 6-year old boy. Though left unexplained as to how or why, they plan to use the child zombie to control both the living and the dead. The plan falls apart when the child hops away and is eventually discovered by a girl named Ju and her little brother. Maosan tracks the undead child to their home and sets up a trap to ensnare the little guy, but his newfound friends intervene, as does the vicious corpse that Chiang Sheng is hunting. Mortally wounded, Maosan possesses the body of his student and heads back to get the child vampire. The kids valiantly fight back with the aid of Little Yuan as Chiang Sheng arrives, followed by the nasty corpse and a bunch of his undead friends.
Venoms fans are sure to be disappointed by the roles of both Chiang and Lu. In their day, both actors were excellent martial arts stars but just about anyone could have stood in for them here. They perform little martial arts action. Their screen time is relatively short, and they are easily upstaged by the kids in the film. Each of the Venoms actors have teenage students who bust out some moves here and there, but the only real kung fu star in the film is the ten or twelve-year old girl who plays Ju. She ends up getting all the good action scenes and surprisingly performs pretty good kung fu for her age and size. The choreography is not great as it relies on uninspiring wirework and very low tech light effects. Most of the Taoist kung fu forms look sloppily made up on the spot. Overall, there just isn’t enough kung fu action. Towards the end, things heat up with the children fighting back, but everything leading up to this features a lot of ho hum supernatural effects and stunts to fill out the action.
5 Venoms vs. Wu Tang has cheap production standards with laughable make-up, ugly sets, and costumes that look like they came right off the Wallmart rack. Most of the humor is harmlessly crude and falls flat. Note to director: little kids running around with pans and hoisting up the rear ends of small animals to collect their droppings is something no one needs to see, even if actual fecal matter is never shown. Additional nonsense includes two scenes of simulated urination and the goofy birthing of an undead child. Moronic nonsense rears up during the opening dance number, when Chiang Sheng teleports himself, and when the oppressed mother and son zombies communicate with each other by telepathy and show us all that undead have feelings too. I’m all for equal rights, even for zombies. But the buck stops at lousy kung fu zombie movies.
5 Venoms vs. Wu Tang is not the film’s original English title and no date of release is available. But based on Lu Feng’s apparent age, the look of the film and the plot’s resemblance to Mr. Vampire II, my guess is that it was made in 1986 or ’87, and probably in Taiwan where old school film production lingered for several years after Hong Kong virtually abandoned the genre in the mid-’80s.
by Mark PollardRelated Topics:
Genre: Kung Fu
